Friday, December 31, 2010

To the Forgotten Love

Do I believe in everything happens for a reason? That what is meant to be will happen? I always seem to say yes when things are in my favour but if not, it always makes me question. You don't always recognize how hard it is to believe in those statements when let's say, you get in a terrible car accident or you lose your job or your mom passes or in my case, when you lose the one thing that made it hard to breathe and yet so easy to live. When you lose that feeling of pure serendipity and youth-fullness. When that thing which makes you feel so alive and invincable is taken away, it leaves you feeling so empty and almost dead. The more I try to force myself not to think about it, the more things start reminding me of it. Everything was perfect and it was everything I had ever wanted.. then fate had to step in and steal it from me. I have finally come to reality to know this wasn't just a bad dream, it really did happen but again the question still burns in my heart, why did it happen? I will always say that I am moved on and content with my life. I will say that it doesn't hurt anymore and that it doesn't matter. I will laugh and show no weakness to the subject and when people ask I will carry that smile on my face and yet the un-deniable lie in my heart when I say that I don't miss him.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

One More Day

okay this song is called (above) and again to remind you, these songs are mostly from a while ago.

Don't let the words sink down deep in my heart, but let the things you said go away. Take away all my heartache and all my pain, just hold me closer as we stand in the rain.
~And let's just smile one more day and hold my hand one more day, oh won't you dance with me one more day? Just please love me one more day.
Don't let the wind come push us off course. Let the road keep going so we can drive, people say we're impossible but I believe. Just stay with me and that's all I need.
~So let's just smile one more day and hold my hand one more day. Oh won't you dance with me one more day? Just please love me one more day.
Don't give up on us now, we can make it. And don't you cradle my heart then just break it and don't take love for granted or it's gunna be gone. Please don't fight with your heart cause you'll always be wrong..
~So lets just smile one more day and hold my hand one more day. Won't you dance with me one more day? just please love me, please love me, love me.. just one more day.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


Alright just a pre-warning, this song is not relavent to anything pertaining to my life now, I wrote it awhile ago but I just thought it might be fun to post some of my songs every now and then and if it's lame to write songs so beit.. ha but I choose not to say who they were written for. This one is called Forever.

I try not to think of the past.. I try not to think of him. I try to fill this emptiness with childish dreams, but my life still remains incomplete.
~Because my forever got severed and now I am dying inside because my only one, my darling, my everything, changed his mind.
Does he remember my love? And would he ever re-consider.. He said he wasn't good enough but perfection's never what I wanted. Would he realize if he knew..
~That my forever got severed and now I am dying inside because my only one, my darling, my everything, changed his mind.. oh who knew forever could be severed? And that I'd be broken this way? Because he looked right through me and took every piece of my heart..
Who knew forever could be severed.. And now I don't know who I am.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Inner Strength

Sometimes individuals feel like they have hit a "wall" or they're at rock bottom or there is no chance of a victory. There are various examples of this occurance. One such may be that of a wayward person striving for forgiveness and begging for a second chance. They are sparce of hope and broken on the inside, yet no matter how much friends and family can try to help, they just don't understand what is happening inside. At the very last moment it's that small inner strength that pulls them out of despair.

This could also be reared to runners and that last lap. They can't simply stop and take a quick drink of gatorade. They don't have the option of a team mate to finish it for them or a friend to carry them. When they are savoring every ounce of oxygen that enters their body, and every part of their body is straining and in pain, it's those split seconds that a runner swears they'll never do this again. But then they draw some wondrous and powerful strength from within that pulls them across that line and in turn forget the hurt.

It may be a heartbreak, one that everyone views as not a big deal and possibly even an over-reaction yet to the individual, it's a literal feeling deep inside that you can feel something tearing away from you. Almost like a real part of you is taken away. And it is especially in this predicament that nothing or no-one can help. And whether it's the need to move on and forget or to let someone else into your heart, once again it is that amazing and unique power from within that heals them.

So no matter the situation, whatever or whoever it is that is making you hurt, don't let it become big enough that it can make you give up on yourself. You decide when you want to give up, or stop running, or stop loving, or stop dreaming, or stop trying, or stop believing in yourself. When everything else falls apart and when everyone else fails you, you still have that inner strength, it's you. Use it.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

What is a Best Friend?

The lucky ones have six to ten really good friends and the even luckier ones have two to four best friends. At least to most females, the title "best friend" holds great power. She is the one you want to tell first when you recieve the best of news, she is the only one you feel comfortable enough to be around without any makeup whatsoever, grungy clothes, and unshowered. She is the one who wants to beat the crap out of any boy who has ever made you feel any less amazing or beautiful than you are. She is also the one that refrains from saying told you so when she knew that guy was no good and also the one who lets you get mascara all over her lap while you cry your heart out. She is the one who will go get ice-cream with you on demand. She is the only one who you know you can call at 2am because although half-asleep she will listen to every word you have to say. She is the one who knows every little thing about you and sometimes knows you better than you do. She is the one who unfailingly puts herself last and makes certain you are happy. She is the one who graciously lends you extra money when you run out at the store and then never lets you pay her back. She is the one who trusts you enough to tell you anything and to always take your advice. She is the one who accepts you when you don't even know who you are anymore. She is the one who carries you when you can't walk on your own. She is slow to anger and quick to forgive. She knows what's best. She is the one who will be your maid of honor. And although she is the one you know best, she still remains the hardest to get any presents for just because you want to get one so perfect. She is the one who makes you wonder everyday how you got so lucky to get such an amazing best friend and also the one who makes you thank God everyday for her and begging him to never take her away because you would be nothing without her. I believe that although life will happen and people change, that one person will always remain your true best friend. On the contrary, I truly believe that when you meet a guy who can take out the S in all the above statements and have it still apply that he is the one, your prince charming. He will never hurt you or leave you. He will treat you like a princess and love you forever. Seems like a lot, but that's my dream. Until then though, thank you Heather, for being my best friend.

Friday, November 26, 2010


I know it's a day late but I thought I'd take a moment to recognize everything I am grateful for. Above everything, I am grateful for my Father in Heaven and this wonderful gospel. I am grateful for my family and their uniqueness and craziness and I am grateful for my friends who are always there to listen and make me smile. I am grateful for my voice and all the other many talents God has given me. I am grateful for my car, believe it or not and I am grateful I have a job. I am grateful for every trial and every pain and tear because they shaped me into who I am today. I am grateful for my thirty pairs of shoes when some people don't even have one. I am grateful for my sister and what a miracle she is to me. I am grateful I got so lucky to have good (pretty normal) and fun room mates:) I am grateful for electricity and heaters and air conditioners. and I'm also grateful for those little un thought of things that don't really seem important except they are! Things like, shampoo/conditioner, rain, internet, strawberries, belts, chocolate, make-up, forgiveness, ibuprofen, piano, microwaves, high heels, temples, glow-in-the-dark stars, blankies, and Blogger (for allowing me to put up things like this when probably nobody cares what's on my mind :)

Sunday, November 21, 2010


This post goes out to one of my used to be bestest friends.
You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use AGAINST me. You, have knocked me off my feet AGAIN, got me feeling like a nothing. You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard calling me out when I'm WOUNDED. You, picking on the WEAKER man. Well you can take me down with just one single blow, but you don't know what you don't know. Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city and all you're ever gunna be is MEAN. Someday I'll be big enough so you can't HIT me and all you're EVER gunna be is mean. Why you gotta be so MEAN?? You, with your switching sides and your wildfire lies and your humiliation. You have pointed out my FLAWS again, is if I don't already see them. I walk with my head down trying to block you OUT cause I'll NEVER impress you. I just want to feel okay again. I bet you got pushed around, somebody made you COLD. But the cycle ends right NOW, cause you can't lead me down that road. And all you're ever gunna be is mean, and a LIAR and pathetic and ALONE in life and mean and mean and mean and mean. -Taylor Swift

Sunday, November 14, 2010

What Really Matters

Listen to a soft song on the piano, let the very beats of your heart be so quiet and soft. Close your eyes and listen. Look at a picture of Christ or watch an elderly couple whose love never grows old even though they will. Walk around the grounds of a temple, be aware of every sinlgle breath you take and count it. Slow down and look up at the amazing sky and the presence of life all around you. Close your eyes and listen. Remember when you were a child and the only world you knew was your backyard and your home but you could always escape to a different world in your imagination where nothing could hurt you, nothing could make you frustrated or angry. A place where you could be alone, where you could be who you wanted. Go there now, it's stll there, just find it. Close your eyes and listen. Let everything go, just for a little while. Forget all your pain and shortcomings, forget all your stress and worries. Forget that you're human. Let it all go. Remember that life is meant to be lived not audited. Remember that God loves you because you are his. Take a moment to listen, to be still, to run away, to remember. Above all, don't forget that every moment counts.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Leave Better All That You Find

I have been listening to this song (above) a lot lately and I remembered how much I used to love it and I also remembered that I used to know exactly who I was maybe 4 or 5 months ago and now I'm not so sure.. I mean, I'm not like a bad person but I think I've gotten lost a bit and I really didn't realize it until I met someone about a week ago.. I want to be so much better, I'm not sure who I have been pretending to be for the past month or so but it's not me. I don't know, when I'm around him I feel like I know who I can be and who I was before.. it's one of those things in life where that one thing that you have been waiting for finally comes but at the exact moment when you're not prepared for it. It's like when you find something that just makes you so happy and just so yourself and for a moment everything makes sense and you feel almost enchanted by it, you want to embrace it and be around it all the time. Once again I am just ranting on and I don't make any sense but that's what's been on my mind for the past three days.

Sunday, October 31, 2010


So as I've been getting to know different guys, I've decided they're like ice-cream flavors. I had found a really good one a year ago this day and it was my new favorite. It was seemingly perfect until however, when I dug deep down, I found a whole bunch of almonds and peanuts, that made the ice-cream less perfect but for some reason I just ignored they were there even though I hate peanuts.. the bottom line was that I loved that ice-cream but inevitably I choked on the peanuts and it all of a sudden gave me an allergic reaction so I can't have that ice-cream anymore.. but it's okay because now I'm searching for my new favorite. It seems that I keep falling upon nice, decent, favorable flavors but they always have some little ingredient that I can't stand. They're always missing something and I'm not quite sure what. The perfect ice-cream I am waiting for has chocolate and vanilla flavor blended together with chocolate chips and cookie dough pieces and brownie bites all with warm fudge drizzled on top and maybe a perfectly ripened strawberry on top? :) I can't wait till that ice-cream comes along, until then I just make the best of the flavors that come to me now.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

why think?

For some reason, I feel it necessary at times to just think. I don't mean just simply a thought like thinking about what you ate for breakfast but a deep session of just thinking. It seems kind of weird to me I guess mostly because I can't seem to really do anything else or I seem like I am depressed until that huge session of streaming thought is finished.. Maybe it's not just me.. I think everybody has their own "thought sessions" it's just in their own way. This idea especially comes into play when I am trying to write a song or when little blurps of a lyric come to mind, then it just drives me crazy! well anyway that was my thought on thinking.. ha I'm so weird.
Well I just started up this Blog business so we will see how it goes!