Sunday, September 25, 2011

Getting Better

Well I was just reading through the past month of my sister's blog so I felt inspired haha. Just one of the ways I wish I could be more like her! So there are just a few things on my mind I would like to share.

First, I was able to go to church today and I bore my testimony and I forgot how good it feels. I am not sure what has happened to me.. as I was reflecting about some things today I realized that it's not that I am doing anything bad therefore I feel okay because I'm not sinning ha which is a good start! However, living the gospel is so much more than just not doing bad things, it's all about DOING good things. It is really not enough just to know it is true and to know you love God, it's about living that. Have you ever heard "Live Like You Believe" by Jenny Phillips? Well it is a great one I would suggest! Part of my testimony was sharing one of my favorite scriptures Ether 12:4, it basically tells us that through our faith in Jesus Christ, we can hope for a better world, which faith and hope is an anchor to our souls. I just love that! No matter how crazy the waves get or how strong the winds are or how lost I get and no matter how my heart is breaking; I can throw down that anchor at anytime and he will be there. I'm so grateful for that knowledge and the fact that he will never give up on me or let me go.

Second, my new favorite song lately is "Not Like The Movies" by Katy Perry. Usually on normal days I just belt it out and just love the words! But on days like these where I feel like I can unfortunately relate to it, it makes me sad. I sort of love songs like that! haha but really I am just feeling so out of place and sometimes I wish it was like the movies where you get into some fight about something that was silly in the first place then it turns into a bigger deal then things get said that shouldn't have and she ends up crying herself to sleep and he ends up going to bed angry and they are both to stubborn to talk about it until he realizes all she really does for him and that she is an amazing beautiful woman who just wants to know that he thinks she is perfect even in her imperfections and that sometimes she wants him to fight for her because he thinks she is worth it. Occasionally she wants him to hold her close and whisper in her ear that she is gorgeous because she just might need to hear it that day. She loves him so much and defends him everyday to anyone who might say something bad, the way she looks at him is obvious that she is head over heels in love with this kid and maybe some days she wants that same look.. That's always how the movies go and then the guy runs after her in the pounding rain and pours out his heart to her. Some days I feel it is unrealistic to even dream about these things but other days I feel like if you have any kind of dream there is no reason why it can't come true. Why shouldn't your dreams be a reality? Besides my fairy tale dreams, I also have a dream of singing for something, I really don't want to be on American Idol or be the next T-Swift, even if I just did a 5-song demo c.d for an LDS label ha that would still satisfy my dream so I see no reason why I can't do that.

Things are kind of hard right now but I know I will pull through and I am grateful for my room mates and my sister and my Mom. They do so much for me and I have always been horrible at verbalizing and even sometimes showing my love and appreciation but I am trying. Oh and I will also try and get better at blogging.. ha even though I think it is more for me than anyone else, I have heard people say that my blog is depressing lol! but that's alright, it's just where I vent and think about things. Till next time, Holly signing off :)