Monday, May 13, 2013

Something to Believe In

Sometimes I get frustrated when doubt and confusion creep into my life. I don't like when I question my own happiness as if it is fractured somehow or missing something but it isn't. I really do have a great life. I have a good job, I have great friends, I have a body that I have worked hard for, and most of all I have an amazing husband who is always there for me. I know he deserves better sometimes. Someone who doesn't question his love for me all the time even if it is in joking. I know he loves me and I know that he is in love with more than I can understand. Yet I still worry all the time. Why??? I wish I knew. I worry about our future like raising a family or if we are even able to have kids. I worry about our careers and if we will reach our dreams. It's not like I don't have any faith at all or that I think for a second that Dustin is not the most perfect man for me and that we truly will be together forever, I just hate when those thoughts do come. 

I guess in the world we live in now, it is hard to believe that good still overcomes evil. It's hard to believe that bad things will stop happening to good people and that your happiness won't be taken away the minute you hold it. Maybe I am just focusing on the negative or being blinded by the bad but I honestly don't know. It's terrible that all you see on the news or hear around town is bad things! Marathons being bombed, children getting kidnapped, people getting divorced two or three times all across the world. It is so sad. Where is the hope? Barbara Walters once wrote "it would be nice to feel that we are a better world, a world of more compassion, and a world of more humanity, and to believe in the basic goodness of man." I want to be someone who is the good, someone that others can look forward to for hope especially Dustin. I want to be able to believe that there is still good in the world and that I can not only find it but create it.

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