Friday, May 10, 2013


An average person makes over 600 decisions a day. Most of those will be small insignificant ones or even ones that you didn't realize you made or even thought was a choice. However a few of those decisions are not so easy ones and on some days even life changing ones. Right now someone somewhere is wondering  if they should fall in love or run away. Another is choosing whether to leave or stay. Maybe someone in your life can't decide which road will lead them to happiness. As humans, we tend to fear change. It is unsettling, it's scary. it's foreign. We live our lives fighting for normality and consistency and when it is lost or taken from us, we panic. Panic can come in various forms; anger, sadness, rebellion, denial, revenge, desperation, and anything else. I see people around me suffocating themselves in this panic and it makes me sad for them even though I myself let it overtake me at times.

Why is it that when we hear people say "that's just life" it doesn't help at all? It's because although most decisions made cannot be taken back and therefore must be accepted as "meant to be," we still had a choice in where life would take its course at some point. I feel like people need to accept more credit for their decisions and I am not just talking about responsibility for "bad" decisions but I do mean credit for the hard choices. One example of this is when someone goes through a really hard break up and find their happiness again without that person. That was a choice they made on their own. No one is responsible for our happiness or the lack of except ourselves. A person has so much freedom to break away from that panic and find peace and acceptance.

Some decisions we make we aren't proud of. I know I have made a lot of choices that I don't like thinking about or wish I could take back. It's hard when you can't take something back, something you did, something you said or didn't say. In some instances it is done and you have to move on but in others you can change what you did. It's never too late to let someone know how you feel or to rekindle a friendship. It's never too late to change or be better. Even after these choices are made, whether we are satisfied with them or not, still matter and we still must be grateful and mindful that we do have free will.

I honestly couldn't tell you how many decisions I have made today but it is probably pretty close to 600 just like every one else. So far I know that all the decisions I have made up to this point in my life have made me who I am in many ways and so I guess in a way I don't regret them. I just truly hope that tomorrow or the next day or twenty years from now when I am faced with those big life decisions that I will face them head on and choose what is best for my family and I. I don't want to look back and regret a terrible moment or wish that I had done or said something different. The only choice I am focusing on right now is to be a mother and while it is a very big and scary and life changing decision, I can't believe how easy it is to know what I want to do. I want to be a mother, I am going to be one and hopefully soon. Out of the 600 or so decisions I have been making everyday for the past 3 weeks that is the only one I care about.

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